Line One
Downshift
Ya might as well laugh

By Bill Hudgins
columnist

 

Spend any time around trucks and drivers, and you’ll hear all sorts of amazing yarns, tales of incredibly long runs and hilarious, often unprintable, jokes. As with any profession that requires skill and knowledge to do well, trucking humor often puts rookies in the crosshairs.

Those jokes are of the three fingers pointing back at you variety, because no one starts with experience. The best the poor greenhorn can hope for is to gain enough experience to do some finger-pointing, too.

Many rookie jokes also involve the fleets where they get their first jobs, and the names change depending on who’s telling the joke and where they started.

I spent some time trolling the Internet for trucking jokes, and discovered that maybe 10 of the country’s largest carriers account for about 80 percent of the jokes.

Some of the best are below. To keep peace with the lawyers, I’ve refrained from naming the fleets. I will just refer to fleets as FIB (fill in blank).

  • Rookie driver comes into a hardware store. “What do you need?” asks the owner. “I just started working for a truck company and was hoping you sold CB handles.”

  • Why doesn’t FIB have a tanker division? FIB lost too many drivers due to drowning when they tried installing load locks.

  • What do you get when an FIB driver leaves a truck stop? Two parking spaces.

  • A trucker sees a road sign in the distance that reads “Low Bridge Ahead.” Sure enough, he gets stuck under the bridge. A police officer arrives at the scene. The cop comes up to the driver and says, “Looks like you got stuck, huh?” The trucker replies, “No, officer, actually I was delivering this bridge and ran out of fuel.”

  • A veteran driver sitting in his rig at a truck stop sees an FIB driver trying fruitlessly to back into a parking space. Finally the FIB driver gets on the CB and asks for help. The vet goes over and helps him get into the space. The FIB driver offers the vet $10, but the vet declines, saying “Keep your week’s pay, but if your truck had a trailer on it, I would accept it.”

  • What do you call 365 FIB trucks traveling the same direction? A year’s worth of experience!

  • What is an FIB driver’s favorite saying? Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if it were not for FIB, the right lane would be rust!

  • This FIB driver with a hot load hit snowy weather. It got worse and worse, so finally he pulled over and called dispatch to say he was gonna wait for it to blow over. “Unh-unh,” dispatch said. “You find a snowplow, get behind it and go. That load has to get there.” So the driver did as instructed. He spotted a plow and off he went in pursuit. An hour or so later, the plow truck driver radioed to the big rigger: “I’m done here at the Wal-Mart. If you wanna keep following me, I’m going over to Target next.”

  • Why did 18 FIB truckers go to the movies together? It said “Under 17” not admitted.

  • What goes VROOM … screech … VROOM … screech? A rookie at a flashing yellow light.

  • While driving along the back roads of a small town, two rookies came to an overpass    with a sign that read clearance  11 feet 3 inches. They got out and measured their rig, which was 12 feet 4 inches. “What do you think?” one asked the other. The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first. “Not a cop in sight. Let’s take a chance!”

  • And finally, how do you make a million dollars in trucking? Start with two million!

(For more trucking jokes, check out thetruckersreport.com, mudfacemarge.com, mypad.us/trucking_jokes.htm, and www.classadrivers.com/forum) Until next time, be safe, make money and get home often. LL

 

Bill Hudgins can be reached at billhudgins@earthlink.net.

Aug/Sept Digital Edition