Dear Arbby

By Reed Black
staff writer


California’s Air Resources Board (ARB) recently announced it’s launching a new, online Q & A column for truckers.
Wouldn’t an advice column be better? For example:

Dear Arbby,
I’m a livestock hauler and was thinking of taking a load of hogs out to Sausalito. But if they start tooting once I cross the California line, will ARB fine me big time?
                – Scared in Schenectady

Dear Scaredy-Pants,
We love our bacon here in the Golden State, but you’re going to have to “cap and trade” those hogs. Once they’re fitted with anti-emission caps, you’ll be welcome to trade them in our state.
                – Arbby

Dear Arbby,
I drive a brand-new Pete with all the clean air gizmos. But when I recently tried to enter the Port of Los Angeles, they refused to let me in. That was after I presented my CDL, MC number, DOT number, TWIC card, FAST card, U.S. passport, and underwent a retinal scan and a rectal probe. What’s up with that?
                – Confused in Concord

Dear Con Man,
Were you breathing when you pulled up to the gate? If so, you were emitting carbon dioxide – which would account for your being refused access. Next time, hold your breath until you get out of California.
Have a nice day!
                – Arbby

If you have a question for Arbby, go to our Web site:
http://www.dearArbby/ca/gov.fines-R-us//don’tlikeit?/dropdead.url LL