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On the Lighter Side

But what will you dunk them in?

Just about everyone loves a cup of coffee and a donut in the morning. But what if you could kill two birds with one stone?

A molecular scientist in Durham, NC, has invented what could become the ultimate rush for the morning energy fiend – a process that infuses caffeine into baked goods, without any of the bitter aftertaste that’s hampered the process in the past.

Once added, each tasty pastry would have the caffeine equivalent of two cups of coffee, according to The Associated Press.

So far, the invention isn’t available in retail stores, but Bohannan has approached Krispy Kreme, Starbucks and Dunkin’ Donuts in hopes that they’ll bite, The AP reported.

So how will you know when the high-octane sweets are on the market? Well, if the cop in that cruiser that just passed you doing 90 looks a little jittery, they’re probably for sale somewhere nearby.

 

(Road) kill bill

What’s on the menu at soup kitchens in Connecticut? We’re not sure, but we know it won’t be road kill – and while that might sound ridiculous, you’d be amazed at how close it came to happening.

In March, state Rep. Toni Boucher, R-Wilton, introduced a bill that would’ve allocated $30,000 to process deer meat, which would have then been served to the needy at area shelters.

The only problem is, the lawmaker – and just to be clear, her name’s Boucher, not Butcher – wasn’t specific enough. Many of her fellow legislators thought the venison would be coming from the side of the road, rather than from hunters.

Needless to say, the bill died – no pun intended – before it could ever become law. Boucher says she’ll reintroduce the bill, with some more specific wording.

We’ve got to commend Boucher for her efforts to help those in need, but next time, we hope she spends a little more time on crafting the bill’s language.

 

A novel idea: just drive!

If you’ve ever seen a four-wheeler do something moronic in traffic and wondered what they were thinking, now you can find out.

Then again, you might be better off not knowing.

According to a new study of 1,200 American drivers between the ages of 18 and 60 conducted by Nationwide Mutual Insurance, motorists are putting in contact lenses, nursing babies, reading books, watching movies, and even changing seats with passengers – all while attempting to navigate their vehicles down the road at high rates of speed.

Additionally, the report found that 73 percent of surveyed drivers said they talk on the cell phone while driving, and 38 percent said they’d driven for long distances without any memory of doing so.

Meanwhile, only a miniscule 16 percent said they drive at or below the posted speed limit.
So what amenities could possibly improve the driving experience for such an obviously distracted group of people?

If you’re thinking better crash protection or safety devices, you’re way off – 31 percent said they’d like to have a refrigerator in the car, while 29 percent are jonesing for some high-speed Internet access.

But if you think those facts and figures are amazing, here’s the real kicker – of those same 1,200 people, 83 percent said they believe they are safe drivers.

That desk job you passed over years ago is looking better and better, isn’t it?

 

Don’t get out much, do ya?

To be fair, an unnamed 79-year-old man in Sweden really, truly didn’t think he’d done anything wrong when police pulled him over for driving on the wrong side of the road – after all, traffic on that particular stretch of pavement used to travel on the left side.

The man’s argument probably won’t hold much weight, though, since the traffic switch to the right side of the road happened nationwide in 1967.

As it turns out, the man – who lives in a very rural part of the country – said he hadn’t traveled to the nearby town of Kariskrona in more than 40 years, and only wound up there on that particular day because he’d gotten lost, The Associated Press reported.

Let’s just hope flying cars aren’t a reality before the man’s next road trip.

 

“On The Lighter Side” is written by Aaron Ladage, staff editor.
He may be reached at aaron_ladage@landlinemag.com.

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