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Just for Fun
Holiday sing-a-long on ice
When it comes to breakdowns on the road, you need a game plan

By Bill Hudgins

Living near Nashville and having tried to learn the guitar, I sometimes can’t resist the urge to make up songs. It’s usually a lot easier to take an existing song and write new lyrics, because I can’t carry a tune in a tanker, much less compose one.

Since we’re slip-sliding away into the holidays and the heart of winter, I’ve “de-composed” some Christmas carols and other seasonal songs.

So, if I can get that spotlight aimed over here, I’ll hum and strum you a few bars:

To the tune of “The Chipmunk Song”
Dispatch, dispatch, wish you were here,
On this black ice in second gear.
You might even start to think,
No load is worth this skating rink.

My hands are cramped, my back is sore,
I’m too old for this anymore.
I wish I could be home instead,
Anywhere – but this flatbed.

To the tune of “We Three Kings”
We three rigs a convoy are,
Running at night to avoid the cars.
Westward heading, vans, flatbedding,
Underneath the winter stars.

Ohhhhh! There’s a blue light, and more being seen,
They must have been monitoring Channel 19.
Heard us gabbing, will now be nabbing,
Our convoy here near Abilene.

To the tune of “Winter Wonderland”
The state has closed all the highways,
Said pull off or slide sideways.
You’re stuck where you are, with hundreds of cars,
Because we have a blizzard advisory.

I’m parked at a truck stop, just a chillin’,
So are a hundred, cranky children.
Whose parents are frayed, home they should’a stayed,
’Stead of driving in a blizzard advisory.

In the morning, the sun they say will come out,
And it will begin to feel a little nice.
Then by evening, it will all be freezin’,
And the superslab will be a slab of ice.

So it’s here, I’m a-bunkin’,
Sure do miss my little punkin’.
I bought her a gift, I hope they soon lift,
That derned ol’ blizzard advisory.

To the tune of “Jingle Bells”
Inching through the slush, in an underpowered cabover,
That cop sure was in a rush, to get me to pull over.
A light had just gone out, my logbook was a sight,
I guess I’ll have to tell my wife,
“Babe, I won’t be there tonight!”

Oh, Level One, Level One,
You have made my day,
It ain’t no fun tonight on this run,
’Cause it sure ain’t gonna pay.

To the tune of “Deck the Halls”
Decked my rig with 12-volt lights,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
’Round the windshield what a sight,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Put a wreath on my winterfront,
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
What more could a trucker want?
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la

To the tune of “Frosty the Snowman”
Frosty the reefer left out of Californ-i-a,
With a load of crops and a dozen stops,
Between there and Boston Bay.

Frosty the reefer headed toward the Eisenhower,
But he had no chains and the forecast rains,
Turned into heavy snow showers.

He must have thought he’d not get caught,
Barefooting over the Pass.
But the DOT said “Follow me,
You’re staying here as long as this lasts.”

Frosty the reefer learned a lesson there that day,
When it comes to chains, better use your brains,
And sling iron when the warning signs say.

And finally to the tune of
“We Wish You a Merry Christmas”

We hope you’re home for Christmas,
We hope you’re home for Christmas,
We hope you’re home for Christmas,
And stay through New Years!

Until next time, be safe, make money and get home often. And “God bless us, every one!”

Bill Hudgins may be reached at billhudgins@earthlink.net.

March/April
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