Da trucking code?

By Bill Hudgins
columnist

Confronted with more than a million square feet of exhibits ranging from the newest big car models to magic eyeglass cleaners, many visitors to the Mid-America Trucking Show in Louisville never get around to any of the informative, thought-provoking seminars.

Dedicated to subjects such as hours of service, regulation compliance and fuel efficiency, these sessions are brimming with useful information. But, when I was visiting him recently, my friend and ace gearjammer Rufus Sideswipe ranted that the titles are so dull.

“They should put a little spark into these things, like calling them ‘Sleepers Gone Wild,’ or ‘Too Late? Too Bad’ instead of ‘Spec’ing for Your Run’ and ‘Complying with Compliance,’ ” Rufus groused.

“If I did one of those MATS seminars I’d call it something like ‘The Things THEY Won’t Tell You About Trucking, But I Will.’ ”

Maybe you could call it “Da Trucking Code,” I suggested.

“Yeah!” he said. “And this is how I’d run it:

“First, I’d come in five or 10 minutes late. I bet a lot of people would leave. I’d tell whoever was left that they had just learned one of the most important lessons: THEY won’t tell you that you are going to spend a lot of time waiting for no good reason and no pay. Oh, you can try to insist on detention pay and total compliance, but some other joker is always willing to undercut you and put up with it. As long as that happens, arguing won’t do you much good.

“Speaking of time,” he said, “the next thing I’d say is that THEY won’t tell you that dispatchers can’t tell time. First, dispatchers tell you that a 10-hour trip should have taken only seven hours, then they ask: ‘So why didn’t you make it?’ Then they’ll say 14 hours at home is the same as a whole weekend and they’ll ask you: ‘So why aren’t you back at work?’ ”

I pointed out to Rufus that most people come to the seminars looking for advice on how to run their businesses. He pondered that for a second.

“Well, THEY say you should know how much it costs to run your operation. But that’s hard to figure out. So my advice would be to put it off so you can take whatever load happened along instead of fiddling with numbers,” Rufus said.

Cheap freight doesn’t pay in the end, I argued. He just waved his hands.

“Which feels better, taking a load that puts a little cash in your pocket, or doing what THEY say – holding out for better loads that are harder to find?” Rufus asked.

“See, most of us figure trucking is hard enough anyway, so why not reward yourself every chance you get? For instance, THEY will tell you don’t waste time in truck stops. But, the reality is you need to spend as much time as you can drinking coffee and comparing notes with other drivers.

How else can you decide where to jump when your current run goes sour? Never mind your tight schedule, that’s what spare logbooks are for.”

I began to realize Rufus really did see trucking as one big conspiracy theory, based on the idea that THEY have set it up so that it’s hard work to run your business well, and the rewards only come later. If he ever got the microphone, he’d preach a gospel of doing what feels good now is easier and rewards you right away.

Rufus went through several more of his trucking tips, such as just calling up a U.S. Marshal if you’re hassled during an inspection (grin), and why you can skip preventive maintenance during football season. Then he got really passionate.

“And this image stuff. Let me tell you about trucking’s image,” he fumed. About that time, I noticed that Mrs. Rufus was standing at the door of the living room, out of his view. “THEY tell you to be courteous and polite to four-wheelers and don’t give trucking a bad name. But we all know we are the kings of the road and deserve respect. We want everyone to know that, ‘I am a big rig driver, so don’t mess with me,’ right?”

Then he went too far.

“And another thing – you know most drivers are men, and they always come home to a big honey-do list. So I’d tell them that when their wives say ‘this is broken’ or ‘that needs doing,’ just remind Mama, you are a professional truck driver, not a traveling repairman.”

At that, Mrs. Rufus, ummm, made her presence known. She reminded Rufus that they were behind on a number of bills, thanks to his lollygagging ways, and that she wanted him on the phone – hopefully bagging a good load for a change – and out of the house before sundown.

As I hurriedly left, I could hear her describing a new trucking code for him to follow.

For real information on how to run your trucking operation successfully, visit with OOIDA representatives at Booth No. 7670 inside the Kentucky Exposition Center in Louisville or outside at Booth No. 9117 where the Association’s rig is parked.

Until next time, be safe, make money and get home often.

Bill Hudgins may be reached at billhudgins@earthlink.net.